|someday we'll know...
||[Nov. 10th, 2005|04:16 pm]
|||||its time for the perculator||]|
i cant wait till thanksgivng so i can be HOME. i miss new jersey, a lot a lot a lot. and i miss my 2 best friends. i miss my mom. i miss my bed. i miss my car. i miss being able to come and go as i please IN my car. i miss getting drunk at brendans house. i miss random car rides to nowhere just to waste gas. i miss being oblivious.
you know what sucks? i know i am in a "doomed" relationship. ... he knows it too, just because the situation we will be in in just 6 short months is so retarded. i waited sooo long for someone who makes me happy and in 6 months he wont be that person anymore. suuure theres that small chance that we'll stay together after he graduates.. but i live in nj and he lives in pa... almost an hour and a 45 minutes away. ... it just sucks. we talked about it and its kind of like a "whats the point" situation. ... which hurts to think about, but i guess it is worth it to have the school year together. oooh i dunno. i hate being all philosophical and deep. it gets me nowhere. i have too much stuff on my mind, and too many people to think about. ... especially myself, as selfish as that sounds. im just trying to live my life. and my friends here.. i dont know. part of me wants to become a nurse and i have to transfer after 2 years with that. my other options are going home and doing it. im not homesick .. i just.. i dont know. sometimes i feel liek i dont do anything right here. im shown my flaws everyday, and i guess thats GOOD but still.. who wants that? but then i dont know if i want to be a nurse. i have no freakng clue what to do with my life..and it fucking sucks. theres too many options but then again, theres not enough options.
one thing i hate here: i never get any privacy to write in here. i feel like someones always looking over my shoulder.